Door Number Two, Please!

Every year, Mother's Day reminds me of the difference between my ideal mother and me.  I can choose to examine this difference with shame and chocolate, or with loving, gentle acceptance and vision (and chocolate).  Sometimes, I choose the former.  I say harsh things to my tender self, "You are bad at this," "You have a vague, elusive, fundamental flaw that you will never overcome," "Hide!"  This negative script is toxic, but I think, common.  It is, isn't it?  Once in awhile you feel this too, right?  Please don't shame me about my shame.  Unfortunately, well-intentioned contradiction does not help, "You are an amazing mother," "Your children will be fine," "There are no monsters under the bed."  This upbeat chirping has zero credibility.  I do have amazing moments, but I'm not amazing all (or even most) of the time.  My children might be fine, but they might not--that information is not currently available.  And nobody knows for sure that there are no monsters under my bed.  For me, knee-jerk positivity is not reassuring, it's dismissive.  I don't think real acceptance lies in ignoring my weaknesses, difficulties and fears, but rather in recognising my ability to overcome them.  "Wow! I am good at working hard," "My desire to be a fine mother is a sign of my noble character," "I have grown so much."


Hannah's thoughts on the matter